JESSICA HILDEBRANDT (Contributing Writer): Jessica Hildebrandt is not your typical alt-goth opera singer. In fact, she's not one at all. An inventor by trade (notable creations include The Internet and oxygen), she does a little writing on the side to escape the doldrums of her virtual prison, aka "day job". She is currently held captive by a 4'4" tall evil overlord and his triad of hellbeasts, and is in preliminary negotiations with E! for her own True Hollywood Story segment.